Take-Two
(Sinead Moriarty)
The difference between your first and second pregnancies is akin to the difference between black and white. There is no comparison. They are two completely different experiences.
During your first pregnancy you take long naps when you’re tired.
During your second pregnancy you pass out face down, fully clothed on the pillow at any given opportunity. Even five minutes is not to be sniffed at.
During your first pregnancy when your back begins to ache, you languish for hours in scented bubble baths reading magazines while listening to calming whale music.
During your second pregnancy you’re lucky if you get time for a five second shower before your toddler upends all your make-up down the loo.
During your first pregnancy your partner won't let you lift a teapot.
During your second pregnancy, you’re left to carry the shopping home with a toddler strapped to your back.
During your first pregnancy, your partner goes to all the check-ups with you, holds your hand and listens intently to the obstetrician.
During your second pregnancy, he has a lot of meetings on.
During your first pregnancy, everyone makes a huge fuss – seats are given up, cushions are placed behind your back, foot-stools are provided for your swollen ankles
During your second pregnancy you’re lucky if you get the foot-stool to sit on.
During your first pregnancy you eat healthy meals you never would have looked at before. Spinach becomes your best friend. When you get up in the morning, the first thing you do is make a healthy fresh fruit smoothie before heading off to work. At dinner time you eat lots of green vegetables and avoid soft cheese and pate like the plague.
During your second pregnancy you eat whatever is fast, accessible and gives you instant energy. Chocolate biscuits, cereal and left over fish fingers become your staple diet. Cooking takes up precious time that could be spent sleeping.
During your fist pregnancy you care how you look. You hunt for pretty, stylish clothes that flatter your new round shape.
During your second pregnancy you know you look Shrek, so you wear big tents.
During your first pregnancy you try not to eat for two and kid yourself that you’ll get back into shape as soon as the baby’s born.
During your second pregnancy, you know you’ll never fit into your skinny jeans again, so you eat for Ireland.
During your first pregnancy you discuss baby names for hours. You read baby-name books, always taking care to analyse the prospective nick-names that could be formed from any given name. A straighforward name like Richard suddenly becomes a potential minefield of – Rich, Richy, Dickie, Dick, Dickster. Days turn into weeks which turn into months, until eventually you have a short list, which you agonise over before finally choosing the child’s name.
During your second pregnancy you forget to name the child and when they are born you look at them panic-stricken, hastily name them after your Grandad - and regret it for the next thirty years.
During your first pregnancy your mother listens sympathetically to your moaning.
During your second pregnancy, she reminds you that the women in Africa give birth while working in the fields and not a word of complaint out of them.
During your first pregnancy you wonder who the baby will look like, what colour hair they will have, what school they will go to, what type of personality they will have, what career path they will follow. You assume they will be a world leader or the curer of cancer.
During your second pregnancy you wonder how long it’ll take before the baby sleeps through the night.
During your first pregnancy your partner listens patiently to all your aches and pains. He is interested in the fact that your rib cage is expanding as the baby grows. He is immensely sympathetic, massages your back, and brings you cups of tea in bed.
During your second pregnancy he’s heard it all before, he’s exhausted, his own back hurts from lifting the toddler. If you want a cup of tea you can make it yourself.
During your first pregnancy you watch your bump grow with fascination and awe. You follow each step, mesmerised by the development of the foetus. You feel blooming, beautiful, maternal, alive…
During your second pregnancy you feel like a big fat blob.
During your first pregnancy the nausea is bearable because you can just curl up in bed all weekend, have early nights during the week and if needs be, pull a sickie in work.
During your second pregnancy you don’t even have time to throw up.
During your first pregnancy you think your life won’t change that much, the baby will just slot in.
During your second pregnancy you store up on DVD box sets because you know you won’t be stepping foot outside the door for six months.
During your first pregnancy you describe all the stages to your partner, who listens, enthralled at the baby’s progress. He asks you to wake him up when the baby kicks, so he can feel it. He beams at you and says – "That’s the next David Beckham in there".
During your second pregnancy he’s as desperate for sleep as you are. Unless the house is on fire and you’re life is in danger, don’t even think about waking him up.
During your first pregnancy you go for pedicures and long lunches with girlfriends
During your second pregnancy you chase after a hyper toddler, change dirty nappies, wipe snotty noses and sing The Wheels on the Bus go round and round, four thousand times a day.
During your first pregnancy you fret about childcare. You want a nanny who is a former Blue Peter presenter with a degree in paediatric nursing, is a cordon bleu chef who loves going for long walks, knows every nursery rhyme ever written and thinks television is the root of all evil.
During your second pregnancy you’ll hire anyone without a police record.
During your first pregnancy you read all the Baby Books available and are determined to have your little one in a routine and sleeping through the night at six weeks.
During your second pregnancy you laugh hysterically when people mention routine.
During your first pregnancy you pack pretty nightdresses with matching dressing gowns and satin slippers for hospital.
During your second pregnancy, you pack a XXX-large T-Shirts and ear plugs.
During your first pregnancy everyone asks you how you are.
During your second pregnancy no one cares.
During your first pregnancy you think the horror stories you hear about forceps and stitches are exaggerated.
During your second pregnancy you know they aren’t.
During your first pregnancy you’re excited all the time
During your second pregnancy you’re worried all the time.
During your first pregnancy you invite everyone into hospital to see the baby.
During your second pregnancy you nail the door shut.
During your first pregnancy you have the nursery ready for weeks in advance. You spend hours painting and decorating the perfect room for your baby. Bunnies and teddies abound.
During your second pregnancy, you turn the cot mattress over.
During your first pregnancy you go to hospital laden down with beautiful baby clothes, booties, hats and mittens purchased in fancy baby shops called – Petit Bateau and Mon Cheri.
During your second pregnancy, you go to hospital with a twelve pack of babygrows from Tescos.
During your first pregnancy you can only try to imagine the miracle of having a baby.
During your second pregnancy you know what joy and happiness await you when you see that beautiful little scrunched up face for the first time.
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