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Pieces of My Heart
Chapter
1
I examined myself in the mirror. I hadn’t worn this black
dress in years but it still fit, which was a relief. I moved
closer and peered at my face – daylight was harsh, all I
could see were lines everywhere, mapping out my life so far.
I decided to focus on the positive – the dress fit. Having
children young definitely helped maintain some kind of waist
line.
Sally came up the stairs. She looked stunning in a black trouser
suit. Not having children at all helped maintain a sensational
waist line.
“Nice suit,” I said.
“Prada. My present to myself for my forty-third birthday,”
said my best friend. “New boobs for my fortieth, botox for
my forty-first, restylane for my forty-second and now designer
clothes.”
“Well you look brilliant. I think I’ll have to ask Paul
for a full face-lift for my birthday.”
“Hey, you’re the hottest mother I know. My sisters all
look like old women.”
“I don’t feel remotely hot. Look at all these wrinkles.”
“That’s why they invented Botox.”
“I know. I just hate needles.”
“Muuuuum!” said Sarah storming into the bedroom. “There
is no way I’m wearing this nun’s outfit.”
“I want you to look respectable. Just put it on.”
“If I have to wear it, I’m not going.” She threw
the navy dress onto my bed and folded her arms.
“Sarah, I haven’t got time for this.”
“Come on, I’ll help you find something,” Sally
said, ushering my bolshie sixteen year-old out.
As they left, Alison walked in wearing a simple but elegant beige
shift dress. “Is this OK?” she asked.
“It’s perfect Ali.” I smiled at my eldest
daughter. “You look lovely. Come on, let’s go check on
Charlie.”
My father, Charlie, was standing in the hall in his best suit,
looking very pleased with himself.
“Are you feeling alright Charlie?” Alison asked, laying
a gentle hand on his arm.
“Never better. I’ve been waiting for this day for
twenty-three and a half years,” said my father beaming.
“Charlie!” I half-heartedly scolded him.
“This is the best day of my life,” Charlie grinned.
“I will celebrate the 10th of August every year.”
Sarah came strutting down the stairs in black mini-skirt and a
black top that had Babe emblazoned across the front. I
looked at Sally who threw her arms up in the air, “This is
mild, you should have seen what she wanted to wear,” she
said, laughing.
“Sarah you do know we’re going to a funeral, not a
nightclub,” I reminded her.
“Legs like this deserve to be shown-off,” she said,
flicking her long dark hair back.
“Sarah – “
Charlie put his hand on my shoulder, “Leave her Ava. She’ll
liven things up.” “Where’s
Dad?” Alison asked
I sighed, “Stuck in work. He said he’d meet us out
there. Come on, everyone into my car.”
Paul was waiting for us at the church. “Why is our sixteen
year old dressed like a hooker?” he asked.
“Talk to Sally, I left her in charge” I said.
“You should thank me, she wanted to wear hot pants, so we
compromised on that,” Sally defended her styling.
“Ava left you in charge of Sarah’s wardrobe?”
Paul grinned as Sally punched him in the shoulder.
“Are you implying I dress inappropriately too?”
“Did you forget your shirt?”
“Smart arse. Prada trouser suits don’t require shirts,”
she retorted. Then turning to me she asked, “I’m not
showing too much cleavage, am I Ava?”
Before I had the chance the reassure my friend that she wasn’t
over exposed, Charlie jumped in, “I’d like to see a lot
more,” he said. “I’ve always been a boob man.”
Sally, Paul and Sarah tried not to laugh, while Ali looked
embarrassed.
“Charlie!” I hissed. “We’re at your wife’s
funeral.”
“I can’t help it, I haven’t had sex in six years!”
“That’s a serious famine,” Paul agreed.
“Ewww Charlie, do old people still do it?” Sarah asked.
“Any chance they get,” Charlie assured her. “And
now that Catherine has finally died, I’m free.”
“Was she really that bad?” Ali asked
“She was out of her mind with drink for twenty years. I’ve
been cleaning up vomit for decades.”
“Were there no warning signs in the beginning, before you
got married,” Sally wondered.
“I just thought she was good fun, lively. I didn’t
realize she drank half a bottle of vodka before every date.”
I patted his back, “You’ve had a tough time, but it’s
over now.”
“Allelluia! I’m back on the market, so watch out
ladies.”
“You can come out with me and my single friends,” Sally
offered.
I pinched her. Why was she encouraging him? He was like something
escaped from prison, he needed to calm down. I was worried he’d
go out and shack up with the first woman he happened to bump
into. After my mother died, Catherine was the first person he met
and look what a disaster that turned out to be. Dad had never
been on his own. He liked being in relationships. I’d need
to keep a close eye on him.
During the funeral mass the priest talked about Catherine’s
“fun-loving nature and her unfortunate decline in health”.
He said she had been “A loving wife to Charlie for over
twenty years.”
“There was no loving,” Charlie grumbled.
The priest noted what a wonderful carer Charlie had been, looking
after Catherine through some very hard times. He then asked us to
take a few moments to reflect on our own personal memories of
Catherine.
While we were reflecting, the altar boy carried the water and
wine over to the priest to be poured into the chalice and
blessed. As he approached the priest, the boy tripped on his
vestment. The water and wine went flying, most of it spilling at
the priest’s feet. There was a deathly silence and then
Charlie began to laugh and one by one people joined in. Soon half
the church was laughing while the other half was appalled.
The priest looking shocked and shaken peeled the poor altar boy
off the floor and said, “I’m terribly sorry. If you’ll
excuse us a minute while we re-group. This is most unusual, never
happened before.”
While they proceeded to clean up and source some more water and
wine, Charlie turned to us laughing, “I can tell you now it
was Catherine who tripped that poor boy up. She doesn’t want
us having any wine without her.”
“Heaven must be a drink free zone,” Sally said
“Or else she’s drunk it dry already,” Charlie
grinned
Sally laughed. “You’re a saint for staying with her all
those years. Were you not tempted to do a runner.”
“I was, but I’m an old fashioned fellow,” Charlie
admitted. “‘til death do us part’ and all that.
That’s why I’ll never marry again. From now on I’m
going to look after myself. No more lost-causes.”
“Maybe you should start breathalysing them on the first
date,” Sally suggested.
“Is it over yet? “Sarah yawned, pulling her earphones
out.
“Nearly,” Paul said. “Put that ipod away. Have
some respect.”
“Ali’s been texting David the whole time and you’re
not giving her grief,” Sarah objected.
“Ali, put your phone away,” Paul told her as she
quickly finished the text and put her phone in her pocket.
The priest continued, “I’d like to mention Ava,
Catherine’s step-daughter who she was very fond of.”
Sally nudged me, “Where are your tears of sorrow?”
“I know, it’s awful but I feel absolutely nothing. I
barely knew the woman. Charlie knew how upset I was when he
married her and then he realised what a nightmare she was and
almost always met me on his own.”
Five minutes later the mass was over and everyone gathered
outside. There wasn’t much of a crowd, thirty at most.
People came up to Charlie and said they were sorry for his loss…
She was a better off now… At peace…
The rest of us stood apart, basking in the hot sun.
“Oh my God, he just pinched that woman’s arse!”
Sarah squealed.
We spun around to see Charlie groping someone’s bum.
“That is truly the definition of mutton dressed up as lamb,”
Paul marveled. We watched the woman kissing Charlie’s cheek,
leaving a bright red lipstick mark and then tottering away in six
inch heels and a very tight, short dress, with a high slit up the
side.
“I can’t believe he made a pass at someone at a
funeral,” Sally roared laughing. “Charlie’s going
to be so much fun now he’s been set loose. I’m raging I’m
going to be away for the next few weeks. Ava, text me the juicy
stuff.”
“I can’t believe he’s my new room mate,” Paul
said.
“Charlie’s moving in?” Sally looked at me.
“It’s only for a few months. He sold his house and
bought an apartment which isn’t quite ready yet,” I
explained.
Charlie bounded over rubbing his hands together. “Well, well
well, it looks as if I’m already in demand. Lilly said she’d
like to meet up for a drink some time to see if I’m doing
OK.”
“Seriously Charlie, Catherine hasn’t even been buried
yet,” I pointed to the coffin sitting in the open hearse.
He put his hand in and patted the coffin “Well Catherine, I
hope they’ve re-stocked the bar for you up there.”
“Hey Charlie, you know what would have been hysterical? If
you’d played Another one bites the dust in the
church,” Sarah giggled
“Or The Jam’s ‘Going underground’,”
Paul grinned
“No, no, Elton John’s ‘I’m still standing’,”
said Sally
“’Always
look on the bright side of life’?” Ali piped up.
“I think Queen’s ‘Don’t stop me now’,”
is more apt,” I laughed.
“No,” said Charlie grinning, “ It’s
Bachman-Turner Overdrive’s ‘You aint seen
nothing yet’.”
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